I always look forward to when the Renaissance Festival opens up here in southwestern Ohio, and am always surprised at how many people I meet who have never been. This saddens me a little because this festival is such a treasure, I wish more people would experience it. Then I go, and I am really glad more people don’t attend! I don’t think they would fit! The Renaissance Festival weekends are packed to the gills. And there are probably people walking around with gills. People there are walking around with everything! So what do you need to know to fully enjoy the Renaissance Festival?
ARRIVE EARLY
The Ren Fest opens at 10:30 am. If you arrive at 10:38, you will already be waiting in a line that extends ONTO the highway from the exit. We arrived at 10:38. I mean it, if you don’t arrive first thing in the morning when the festival opens, be prepared to wait in a seriously long line. You could be waiting over an hour just to inch your way off the highway, up the ramp, and down the road that gets you to the entrance. Parking is efficient (and still only $3.00 at the time of this posting!) and once you’ve parked, you’re ready to enter this fantasy world, unless you didn’t…
BUY YOUR TICKETS IN ADVANCE
There are usually discounted Renaissance Festival tickets online, and some weekends have even more discounts; Labor Day weekend is usually discounted, this year Time Traveler’s Weekend was discounted, and the Halloween Tricks or Treats weekend is free for kids 12 and under (plus they get to trick or treat). If you don’t get tickets in advance, you can still get discount coupons at local stores, like Kroger, but you will have to wait in the ticket window line. And in the line to enter the fair. But once you’re in, grab a map and schedule and be prepared to …
SEE CLEAVAGE (and costumes)
You don’t have to dress up to enjoy the fair; most people don’t, actually. Personally, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, but dressing up for me and my family is pretty low key and simple. However. There are a multitude of people who are high-key into dressing up (Renaissance cosplay?). They look like they stepped out of the actual Renaissance with costumes elaborately made; detailed, beaded, embroidered, and show stopping. There are also people who dress up like they just floated out of a fairy tale; wings and horns and mystical tiaras and antlers draped in glass prisms. There are people dressed as barbarians, elves, gypsies, pirates (there’s a whole pirate-themed weekend, by the way), Scotsmen, knights, pretty much everything you can imagine. We saw children dressed as dragons, kings and queens, Disney princesses, fairies, knights, and wizards – everyone gets in on the act. Dress-up is not reserved for any particular age group. My favorite was seeing the groups of elderly women all dressed up together, or the older couples. You can make a day of just costume-watching. And everyone I asked for a picture happily obliged. But, be aware, you will definitely see cleavage. Popping up out of corsets everywhere. Some people dress in Renaissance garb in the same spirit as the Halloween Nurse version of an actual nurse. Men as well as women (see picture below for evidence). So, if you have little kids with you, be aware that the fair can be full on…
BOOZY AND BAWDY
Alcohol is all over the fair, and there are many people swigging from leather mugs and proclaiming vaguely sexual things in what they think is a British accent. Most of it is easy to avoid, however. If you’re a family with young kids and want to reduce the amount of bawdy innuendo your little ones are exposed to, avoid the larger crowds of younger festival goers in revealing and/or hyper-masculine costumes. There are also some shows to watch that are for a more adult crowd, but generally, its easy to identify which shows those are. If a show involves water or mud, or lots of cleavage, avoid it with the little kids. But there are a great many shows that are very entertaining for families, and most of those involve…
JUGGLING AND JOUSTING
There are some standout shows that are perfect for a family, and they’re consistently great every time that I’ve seen them –just about any of the headliners fit the bill. Among them is the Full Armored Joust. If you have not seen knights in full armor thundering at each other on horseback with a lance, this is the show for you. Arrive early, though, seats fill up quickly at this show – which is offered multiple times a day – and people cheer on their chosen knight and get to see some pre-joust gaming and some explanation of what’s happening. We’ve also always enjoyed the Swordsmen; two long-in-the-tooth guys in tights with sword and comedy skills that are pretty family-friendly and always clever and funny. Theirs is a must-see show for us. The Kamikaze Fireflies were new to us this year (there’s so many things to do that we have not seen all the shows there are on offer!), and were funny and skilled and engaging. They’ve traveled the world, been on America’s Got Talent, perform on cruises and at colleges, and were pretty cool about the grass near their stage catching on fire during their act. There are also smaller acts around the fest that you can catch without arriving early for seats. We saw a juggler, Arie Arie, who, while not the most skilled juggler I have ever seen, had great rapport with the audience and was fully entertaining. And also had a small fire incident. But mostly you can count on not catching fire during your time at the Renaissance Festival. The Mud Show is highly popular, but a little adolescent for my tastes. All of these entertainers ask for tips for their performances, so if you’d like to tip, be sure to bring some singles and fives. Besides the shows, though, there is also…
SHOPPING
And plenty of it. There are over 150 shops that are run by artisans and craftsmen with some impressive skills. Several shops have areas where you can watch some items being made, or even participate (for a fee). These shops are all along the perimeter and center portion of the festival grounds, which is immersive, by the way, this is not just some tents and stages that have been set up; the festival buildings and grounds are a permanent installation and the shops are themed as well. We spend a great deal of time just checking out the handiwork and imagination of the items offered for sale. There are sword markers, painters, jewelry makers, clothiers, hat makers, leather workers, ceramic artists, glass blowers, and so much more. Some of shop keepers (shoppe?) also participate in a sweet little barter system that young kids can have their own special fun with. I haven’t seen it advertised, but we did it with my children when they were younger and I saw other little kids doing it on our recent visit. A child can bring some little token items with them – such as beads, or little plastic toys, or something else little and interesting – and they can go up to a shopkeeper and ask to trade. The shop keeper usually has some other kind of little trinket and the kids can swap out their item for another. It’s a really sweet little activity for the younger members of the family. And when you want a break from shopping, you can…
FEAST
Feast on smoked turkey legs, steak on a stake, bread bowls full of soup or beef stew (or mac and cheese – one of few vegetarian options), fish and chips, falafel, haggis, bangers, giant pretzels, brats, fajitas, kettle corn, cheesecake on a stick (I do not recommend), apple dumplings, baklava, Cornish pastys and so much more, along with ciders, ale, sodas, and cocktails. There are a lot of choices, so there’s really something for almost anyone. Lines get long, and can move slow, though, so I would recommend eating at off times or during big shows – like one of the jousts. And if all the shows, shopping, costume watching, and feasting isn’t enough for you, there’s always…
GAMES
Low tech games and activities for the whole family – all at an additional cost, though. There’s archery, of course, and skill games which let you try your hand at throwing every kind of sharp implement you can think of; there’s ax throwing, knife throwing, star throwing, a Jacob’s ladder, ring toss, and other games as well and human-powered rides. There is a big slide, a merry-go-round, and giant swings – all of which are turned or pushed by human force. Not YOUR human force. Usually its a guy dressed as a barbarian. There is also a booth where you can actually throw real tomotoes at a live person who taunts and insults you. I never pay for that, but I do enjoy watching it! Tired of games and want to relax? Well then…
THERE’S MUSIC
All over the place. There are bagpipers, Irish music groups, dulcimer players, a water glass player, minstrel groups, bands of women singers, bands of pirate singers, again, something for almost everyone. You can sit at a pub and enjoy a musical performance at your leisure, check out a scheduled act at one of the stages, or you can happen upon a dulcimer player under a tree. So, in the words of Inigo Montoya…
LET ME EXPLAIN…NO, THERE IS TOO MUCH, LET ME SUM UP
You and your family can easily spend the entire day at the Ohio Renaissance Festival – from open to close (10:30am – 6pm). There is such a variety of things to do and see and experience, it is well worth the cost for a full day’s entertainment (this year it was $68.00 for my family of 4, with Kroger discount). We look forward to the Ohio Renaissance Festival every year and every year is is worthwhile and memorable! Go if you get a chance – just not on the same day that we go. Crowds, you know.
Fifty State Family 